You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
