best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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