My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
