Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
