i love accidental penises.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
