The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
