real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
