I should be sponsored by Trojan
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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