Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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