It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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