I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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