If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
