I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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