so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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