Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
