Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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