in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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