is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
