Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
