I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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