You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
