Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need a beard to bite.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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