I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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