batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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