I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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