Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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