I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
