woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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