If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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