woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
