True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I did not marry a roomba.
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