just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
