Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
