Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
