did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
