You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
