I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
