i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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