Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
