ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
