Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
