she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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