He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
