It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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