It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
