I puked a lego.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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