my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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