i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
