I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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