mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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