yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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