I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
