I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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