There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So many bounce houses so little time
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
