i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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