I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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