you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
