She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
