I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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